That being said, I'm turning a new leaf. I decided after last weeks freak out that it's not worth the jumbled up feeling inside to internalize my anger since I detest dealing with it... so I've decided not to get angry anymore. (Yes, I'm being serious.) I honestly believe that I can control it.. Or at least that I WILL be able to control it once I've practiced a bit. Which I've never actually attempted before. This should be interesting.
I've always been a bit of a hot head. Jeff would say a lot bit of a hot head (ha) and for the most part, he's probably more accurate than I would like him to be. I have extreme road rage, I'm impatient while waiting in any line what so ever, and I'm not always the most forgiving with people when they do or say something stupid (in my opinion anyway). Why? I have no idea. I'm a jerk. SO. I need to learn about a little foreign concept called peace. Peace. Sounds funny when you say it slow.
You know how you start to get mad about something but then you take a deep breath and close your eyes and count to ten and it kinda sorta goes away? Yeah well I did that for the first time today and it was really fun!! And no, I will not tell you what I was mad about because then I'd be breaking a promise to my mother and I love her too much for that. In all honesty though, that moment was my first taste of freedom because I actually really hate that I allow myself to get so worked up about the tiniest things. It's unattractive to my husband, detrimental to my self-worth, and wholly destructive to the relationships and people in my life.
SO WHY AM I SO ANGRY???
I'm immature. I said it. I'm still growing up. Good thing though is that I'm ready to move on. I feel like people who have anger issues are always waiting for the next thing to come along and make them mad because they don't know what else to do with their time!! Nix that.. I'm talking about me. Not other people with anger issues. Just my anger issues. I need to learn to let things go. I remember a time where I prided myself on being able to let anything slide. Where is that girl and WHY did I let her get away? Because it was true, there was a time in my life when I didn't care enough to hold a grudge against anyone. Sure things made me mad, but I let it go. I didn't always bottle things up like I do now, I let them go and if the problem repeated itself and made me mad multiple times, I removed the negativity from my life and moved on.
That's part of the reason that 250+ people can no longer read this. If you got this link off of facebook, congratulations!! You made the cut. I'm not necessarily saying that every person I deleted makes me mad all the time, but negativity doesn't help the case either. I don't want to read about all the guys girls have slept with in the past week or how much you drank last night and all the crazy swear word that you did. I don't want to see nakie pictures of your girlfriend and honestly, if you're going to post nudies... we probably weren't very good friends in the first place. Oh AND I don't want to hear you complain about your 'terrible awful' life with every post that you make. (You have it better than you think you do.)
Now don't get me wrong, 9 out of 10 times I will ask my friends or closer acquaintances if there's anything I can do to help them with whatever predicament they're in... (9 out of 10? I guess I'm leaving room for error.) But these were people I haven't talked to in YEARS. It's not my place to judge or reprimand, so I de-junkified my facebook. This is my first step towards inner peace. If I'm not constantly looking at or reading negativity, maybe it will help me to be more positive about my own life. Then I'll be able to calm down about the small stuff, because all the big stuff is already harmonized.
Till then, if I'm irrationally angry at anything period, I give each and every one of you permission to call me out.
