Just a book

I'm reading a book right now. Technically you could always say that about me, because I'm constantly reading a book. I like to read. And generally, I like books. Even the ones I don't particularly care for, I finish just in case they hook me at the end or something. I like to give every book a fighting chance. 


Except for this one. 


And what sucks about this one is that I'm reading it in a group and I can't quit reading it. Literally. Jeff is reading it too. And about six other couples. I honestly can say that this is one of a handful of books that I want to burn up and then go out and destroy every other copy because it's THAT bad. 


Okay, okay, I'm not completely being serious but yeah there's that part of me that wants to throw it away. I don't even want it long enough to try and sell it. I also don't think anyone else should read it. Ever. So there's no way I'd give it or lend it to someone else either. It's just one of those books that gets under my skin. It's terribly written, and for someone who has read over a thousand books (probably...), I think I'm allowed to have an opinion. 


Example: Nicholas Sparks. Mostly pretty good plots themed throughout his collection; terrible writer. I made it half way through 'The Notebook' and had to quit because it was like reading a kindergarten book. 


This book is like a Nicholas Sparks book. Except it's also very thick and heavy with personal opinions on how people should live their lives. That's another thing I have a hard time with. Pushy opinions. I get that some people have it figured out more so than others, but there's a way to share that. And there's a way not to share it. This guy has the latter down to a 't'. 


And then there's the 'I'm better than you' attitude. The 'you would do well to try and be me, I'm just that awesome' attitude. It's the 'holier than thou' approach that just gets my teeth grinding. And that's just the first 10% of why I'm going to throw a burning party for this book when I'm finished. 


Men. They are not better than women. Different, yes, but not better. Or more put together. Or smarter. Or more deserving. Or easier pleased. Or more selfless. Than a woman. Now, men, please don't get me wrong. I am in NO WAY saying that the opposite of women is true. Those statements aren't true on either side to any degree as a whole. Individually though, that's a whole other story. However, it's not my story. My story is that as messed up as our society is, we don't need a prominent leader coaching married men in the art of short-cuts. 


P.S. For those of you who know which book I'm talking about, yes I understand that he does have a lot of good things to say about marriage as well. I am shedding light on the fact that this man is skilled at shifting blame and sneaking insecurities and doubt into a woman's mind like a slippery serpent. 


The whole point of this book is to help married couples keep their marriage strong. Yet this whole book, I have felt guilty for being a woman and having feelings and being afraid of anything. You know those books that bash men? The ones that say there's a checklist you need to accomplish before your wife will have sex with you because she's an emotional being? Yeah those aren't right either, but to go the complete opposite direction doesn't do anything much different. 


What I think may have been the basis for this book, that marriages require honesty and forgiveness and 50/50 service to one another, has been thwarted and skewed by this one man's personal baggage. 


He's clearly open about his wife's shortcomings and failures and how he's a better man now because he's now mastered forgiving her sins, as is she, but neither of them talk about how his past affected their marriage. No where does it say he has any of the blame for the problems they've faced. Yes he has issues but he's working on them and that should be good enough. Because his wife has the major issues and that's what they need to focus on. That right there should be an indicator that they're not ready to write a book and counsel others to be just like them. 


This book went from being a source of light on the subjects that christians have a hard time talking about, to a messy personal biography. And that is why I want to chuck it across the room when I'm trying to get through even a single chapter. 


Look at it this way. Would you have a sex addict counsel teenagers to abstain? Would you have a non sober alcoholic hold AA meetings? Would you have a first year med student run a hospital? No. Because there aren't enough credentials. Not enough experience. 


Sure, I'll take bits and pieces from this book and apply them to my life because in some areas, they are very knowledgeable and I really do learn good habits and insights to how my husband works. But those are things like how we need to pray out loud together more often. And that fighting isn't always a bad thing as long as you don't let bitterness seep into it. And that yes, women are more emotional when it comes to sex than men are. I feel like most of all those little things are general knowledge though. Everything else they have to say is an opinion. And from learning their opinion, I don't think I want the same ones. 


So from now on I'll take my marriage advice from my grandparents. On mine and Jeff's sides because they've lived twice the life these authors have, and they're still together. They made it work. Grandparents are people to look up to. Not some couple who still doesn't have all the answers to marriage but decided to get rich and write a book on it anyway. 


No one will ever have all the answers. And as mad as most of this book makes me, I can't blame them for trying. So if you're going to read 'Real Marriage' by Mark and Grace Driscoll, please keep that in mind. As popular as they are, it still doesn't make them right. You still have to figure it out as you go. I have to figure it out as I go. Opinions are opinions. They're not rules. They're not even guidelines. But that's not how this book was written. It's written as a 'how-to', which is completely wrong. So if you must, read it with your 'that's crap' filters on and your mind guarded. And then make your own opinions! Because a book is just a book. 

I'm allowed

It's been a while since I've written and there are a few reasons for that. 1. Jeff and I are trying to buy a house and for those of you who have already done that, you know how stressful it is. 2. My Brother came back home from California and moved to Japan a month later. He and Anna are there for three years. 3. I'm currently looking for another job. One that's closer to home (which, keep in mind will change in a few months), and preferably in the line of work that I want to do for the rest of my life. Which brings us to number 4. I REALLY need to go back to school. But to do that, I need to make enough money to pay for it... and to get a job that will pay for it, I need to have a degree from school. Vicious cycle. 5. My last post? Well if you haven't read it yet, you should. And then you should NEVER try it because it didn't work. It made everything worse. So now I need to talk everything through and piece by piece get it out of my system. I apologize in advance for the following rant.

I always thought buying a house would be fun. It's not. I hate living in these apartments and we need to get out NOW but the house buying process is a lot s l o w e r than that. It took weeks to get pre-approved, and the market is being swallowed up by people who have more money and less time than we do. So there aren't any houses left that we're interested in. Our lease is up in August, but now it looks like we're gonna have to stay here longer than we planned. Sucks big time.

I kind of got used to my brother being gone since he's lived in California for the last few years. First acting and then the Marines. So when he told us he was moving to Japan, it didn't really register as anything different. Until he left. I cried for three days straight. It's different because I can't fly down to see graduation anymore. I can't call him because it would cost a bajillion dollars. MY FAMILY IS DISINTEGRATING! Dad in ND, brother and sister-in-law in Japan, and what's next? Hillary will get famous and go on tour? My mom and Dean will move to Arizona for warmer weather and cheaper housing? I only have Kara left to depend on and THAT's because she's still in high school.

And I'm gonna skip number three.

Anyone want to give me a full scholarship to Bastyr? Even Everett Community college will do. I just have this craving for knowledge and getting it all over the internet is proving to be a bad idea day after day. And yeah, I'm a little embarrassed to not have my degree at this point in my life. People I used to lead in high school are now graduating with four year degrees. That means I'm old. And I have no degree. And I'm old.

But for the most important part, don't ever try to pretend like you're not mad. I seriously tried really hard not to let any of the above annoy me. Or anything else. And you know what happened? I became a bitch (sorry mom. I'm leaving it). I snap. I bite. I act out. I literally shake with rage. So now instead of getting mad at the guy who cut me off twice two mornings ago, I'm pissed off at the lady walking through the grocery store. Because she put pre-sliced packaged cheese in her cart. DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD THAT STUFF IS FOR YOU???? Buy a BLOCK and CUT IT YOURSELF! So in an effort to keep myself from being irrational with my anger, I became more and more irrational. So I'm really sorry but I'm going to continue to be a hot head and a fire cracker and whatever else it's called. Because that's how I work. I'm sorry if any of this has affected anyone in any way, I'm certainly work on being more nice now that I'm going to allow myself to get upset with REAL problems. And as soon as I get a house and move the piano in, I will once again have my preferred outlet and get rid of my frustrations by beating the ivories. No tickling. Beating. And until then, I'm going to be okay just being stressed and anxious and frustrated. Because I'm going through major changes in my life. And I'm allowed.