Just a book

I'm reading a book right now. Technically you could always say that about me, because I'm constantly reading a book. I like to read. And generally, I like books. Even the ones I don't particularly care for, I finish just in case they hook me at the end or something. I like to give every book a fighting chance. 


Except for this one. 


And what sucks about this one is that I'm reading it in a group and I can't quit reading it. Literally. Jeff is reading it too. And about six other couples. I honestly can say that this is one of a handful of books that I want to burn up and then go out and destroy every other copy because it's THAT bad. 


Okay, okay, I'm not completely being serious but yeah there's that part of me that wants to throw it away. I don't even want it long enough to try and sell it. I also don't think anyone else should read it. Ever. So there's no way I'd give it or lend it to someone else either. It's just one of those books that gets under my skin. It's terribly written, and for someone who has read over a thousand books (probably...), I think I'm allowed to have an opinion. 


Example: Nicholas Sparks. Mostly pretty good plots themed throughout his collection; terrible writer. I made it half way through 'The Notebook' and had to quit because it was like reading a kindergarten book. 


This book is like a Nicholas Sparks book. Except it's also very thick and heavy with personal opinions on how people should live their lives. That's another thing I have a hard time with. Pushy opinions. I get that some people have it figured out more so than others, but there's a way to share that. And there's a way not to share it. This guy has the latter down to a 't'. 


And then there's the 'I'm better than you' attitude. The 'you would do well to try and be me, I'm just that awesome' attitude. It's the 'holier than thou' approach that just gets my teeth grinding. And that's just the first 10% of why I'm going to throw a burning party for this book when I'm finished. 


Men. They are not better than women. Different, yes, but not better. Or more put together. Or smarter. Or more deserving. Or easier pleased. Or more selfless. Than a woman. Now, men, please don't get me wrong. I am in NO WAY saying that the opposite of women is true. Those statements aren't true on either side to any degree as a whole. Individually though, that's a whole other story. However, it's not my story. My story is that as messed up as our society is, we don't need a prominent leader coaching married men in the art of short-cuts. 


P.S. For those of you who know which book I'm talking about, yes I understand that he does have a lot of good things to say about marriage as well. I am shedding light on the fact that this man is skilled at shifting blame and sneaking insecurities and doubt into a woman's mind like a slippery serpent. 


The whole point of this book is to help married couples keep their marriage strong. Yet this whole book, I have felt guilty for being a woman and having feelings and being afraid of anything. You know those books that bash men? The ones that say there's a checklist you need to accomplish before your wife will have sex with you because she's an emotional being? Yeah those aren't right either, but to go the complete opposite direction doesn't do anything much different. 


What I think may have been the basis for this book, that marriages require honesty and forgiveness and 50/50 service to one another, has been thwarted and skewed by this one man's personal baggage. 


He's clearly open about his wife's shortcomings and failures and how he's a better man now because he's now mastered forgiving her sins, as is she, but neither of them talk about how his past affected their marriage. No where does it say he has any of the blame for the problems they've faced. Yes he has issues but he's working on them and that should be good enough. Because his wife has the major issues and that's what they need to focus on. That right there should be an indicator that they're not ready to write a book and counsel others to be just like them. 


This book went from being a source of light on the subjects that christians have a hard time talking about, to a messy personal biography. And that is why I want to chuck it across the room when I'm trying to get through even a single chapter. 


Look at it this way. Would you have a sex addict counsel teenagers to abstain? Would you have a non sober alcoholic hold AA meetings? Would you have a first year med student run a hospital? No. Because there aren't enough credentials. Not enough experience. 


Sure, I'll take bits and pieces from this book and apply them to my life because in some areas, they are very knowledgeable and I really do learn good habits and insights to how my husband works. But those are things like how we need to pray out loud together more often. And that fighting isn't always a bad thing as long as you don't let bitterness seep into it. And that yes, women are more emotional when it comes to sex than men are. I feel like most of all those little things are general knowledge though. Everything else they have to say is an opinion. And from learning their opinion, I don't think I want the same ones. 


So from now on I'll take my marriage advice from my grandparents. On mine and Jeff's sides because they've lived twice the life these authors have, and they're still together. They made it work. Grandparents are people to look up to. Not some couple who still doesn't have all the answers to marriage but decided to get rich and write a book on it anyway. 


No one will ever have all the answers. And as mad as most of this book makes me, I can't blame them for trying. So if you're going to read 'Real Marriage' by Mark and Grace Driscoll, please keep that in mind. As popular as they are, it still doesn't make them right. You still have to figure it out as you go. I have to figure it out as I go. Opinions are opinions. They're not rules. They're not even guidelines. But that's not how this book was written. It's written as a 'how-to', which is completely wrong. So if you must, read it with your 'that's crap' filters on and your mind guarded. And then make your own opinions! Because a book is just a book.